The life of an outsider

列印The final words from the Radiohead song ‘Creep’ resonate with me…

“I don’t belong here…”

I’ve often found myself explaining how my mind works or trying to explain how or why I did something with a phrase like “you have to excuse me, I’m not normal” – and it’s true, I’m just not normal.
While the world is trying to tell me that you should choose a shade of either black or white, I’m finding out that there are colours that work really well together in pallets we haven’t dreamed about.
While the world is being serious and telling me that you should choose your words wisely, I’m in the corner thinking that a thesaurus would have been a dinosaur that could help choose those words.
When people tell me I have to choose a side, often I don’t feel like I have that luxury… It doesn’t mean that I don’t care or understand either side of the debate, I just think that the ‘messy middle’ is where the hurt lies and the truth sits.
Maybe I’m just not educated enough to understand the complexities?
Maybe it’s because I’m just not that smart?
Maybe it’s the way I was bought up… My mum is Australian so that could explain a lot. What ever the reason the end result is that “I’m just not normal.”

A while back I had this idea to post a ‘dad joke’ every week day morning on social media, it was for a couple of reasons. One, I love dad jokes, my theory is anyone can get a laugh, but eye rolls and awkward sighs are where the real magic lies (remember ‘not normal‘). Secondly it was something that caused a reaction other than a negative one.
So I posted a funny comment or thought every Monday to Friday for one week… Just one week. I thought, that no one is really picking up on my idea, so I stopped. I figured it was great for a week, however maybe it was just something I did for just for me for that week?

I have never received so many messages and emails asking if I could start again, some people even sent me more material. The clincher for me was when someone said “my partner is in hospital and your jokes each morning help get him starting the day in a positive way…” they did however say “he thinks you’re crazy”…i read that as “not normal”.

It’s actually a lonely place not being normal.
You look normal, you ‘mostly’ act normal, but then you open your mouth and start talking and you start to realise that your thoughts, dreams, ideas and plans don’t fit in with what everyone else thinks.
While every one else is choosing team and taking sides, I feel like I’m the odd one in the middle thinking that either side have it both so absolutely right and at the same time so majorly wrong it… actually hurts my head.
Each side yelling at each other, telling the other not to yell.
Each side accusing the other of letting down the other, morally, financially and intellectually, and it comes out in frustrated and vague rants.
I stand in the middle and think.
Why don’t we just try and work together?
Why don’t we try something new that no one has tried before?
Let’s stop drawing lines in the sand and declaring your standing ground.
Let’s start to listen.
Criticise by creating?

Imagine if we could create some sort of radical middle that took the best of the left and the best of the right and created something that worked for each side.
Imagine if we could be free from both the left and the right?
Imagine if we could start working with each other than against each other?
Imagine if we created things that never could have been imagined unless we dropped our arrogance and pride and crossed the room, the street, the city?

But what do I know?
I’m not normal?
I’m the outsider here… but that’s where i choose to be?

“You can’t change the world if you’re just like it”

 

 

 

 

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