I just read a carefully worded article by a clinical psychologist Meg Jay who did research on people who lived with each other before they got married… and it had some really interesting results… results that the church has been trying to tell people for years.
Now I have to point out that Meg isn’t a Christian… so don’t think it’s a Christians psychologist pushing Christian values…
Anyway Meg points out that many people who ‘try’ living together before they get married have a lower chance of staying together than those who don’t… I’ll quote from the article
“One thing men and women do agree on, however, is that their standards for a live-in partner are lower than they are for a spouse.”
So they’re not going in looking for a long term thing… they going in with the intention to try, and not at the intention of living together forever and ever… so they try and if it works out then they will go further and maybe get married but if it doesn’t work out it’s back to the auditioning phase…
They’re not exactly ‘settling’ for something less than they deserve… however it’s pretty close to it… They would never admit they’re settling, so they use phrases like “We’ve been through a lot” or “they’re a really good friend”…
However those who go in and sift out all the rubbish first… fight through the guys who aren’t interested in treating them like royalty… and are picky with the people they date have more of a chance at staying together because they’re not auditioning for ever and ever… they’re constantly working towards forever and ever.
Another quote from the article was this from a woman in her mid-twenty’s “I felt like I was on this multi-year, never-ending audition to be his wife,”
So why is this?
Surely trying before you buy is a good thing?
Well it’s not… and the reason it isn’t is because sex was meant to be a sign of what you are doing with your whole life… giving of yourself fully to someone… anything outside that is just consumerism, it’s “It feels good to me when I’m with him…” but sex is meant to be about a giving of yourself... it’s about vulnerability and it’s a sign that you’re giving yourself fully in ALL areas of your life.
Author and Theologian C.S. Lewis put’s it like this:
“The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union the sexual from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union.”
So what Mr Lewis is saying is it’s ALL or nothing.
It’s a really interesting article… CLICK HERE and have a read and see what you think!