I’m an idiot… or very slow at best.
You see I’m a fixer… I like to solve puzzles… I like discoveries… I like to help the ones I love out… I like to share insights I have with those who have been brave enough to share their feelings…
My problem is I can’t shut up!
I know it’s a problem I have but I can’t help it… it doesn’t help especially when you’re trying to nurture a relationship, and then on top of it all… I’m a communicator… I talk through things… I work through things via blogs… songs… talking… you know anything I can do to… well… communicate!
GREAT… so not only can I not shut up… I can’t shut up… because it’s part of my thinking process.
I’ve been married for 13 years and you would have thought at least some time during this time I would have cottoned on to the fact that sometimes the loved ones in my life don’t want the solution… they just want you to listen to them…
I’ve been there, and watch as friends eyes glazed over as I gave another analogy to try and describe why they should do this… or shouldn’t do that… I see it happening… but do you think I can stop myself from projecting the equivalent of noise pollution into the environment? – of course not!! – why? – because THAT my friend would make sense!
And I’m a slow learner!
I’m very blessed to have amazing wonderful and polite people in my life that I love very very much… however they are so polite… they let me dribble these words filled with theories and stories of love and loss… into their personal space… when I am being the equivalent of a talking ass with a theory!
What it deserves sometimes is for them to tell me to “just shut the heck up!”… and they would be well within their rights to do so.
I think part of the problem is that I get nervous when people talk to me about stuff… I’m not as confident as I try and make you believe… when someone tells me something that they want to get off their chest… or they are struggling with I start to think to myself “is this a trap???” – I need to know the answer to this one… they need to hear this!
I heard one guy say to his wife when she started to tell him something “do you want me to empathize or do you want me to help?”
He said his wife has never once said “I want you to help!”
I am powerless to fix my friends… no matter how many opinions I give… how many strongly worded arguments I give… how much I plead for them to listen to my words… or how much I want them to.
I’m just a guy who loves them very much but I’m just that… I’m just a guy… I’m a good communicator… but I’m just a guy.
I can try and ‘fix’ my friends… I just can’t… no matter how much I really want to
I can try but all that will happen is things coming to a place where they just escalate into a place where they won’t listen… they can’t listen… because all I have is become a wall of sound rather than a bed of peace… a brick wall rather than a bed of roses.
A couple of weeks I talked about how I have realised how small my heart was… now I’m figuring out how smart I thought I was… and how much I still need to learn… the first being to just be quiet… but I’m a slow learner.
I can’t fix things that are between them and God.
Only the Holy Spirit can change peoples hearts…
Only God can heal things that can’t be seen…
Only God can change someones situation… and I’m just to be there to lend an ear… I’m there to cry with them… hug them… kiss them… walk with them, share their pain… I can’t walk their walk!
So if it’s that easy why is it so hard???
I love you… I want the best for you and me talking is how passionate I am about you… but if you need me to shut up please tell me… just say Goose I just need you to listen this is something that I’m struggling with… I don’t want your help… I want your empathy.
I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. - 1 Corinthians 3:6-7 (NLT)
wow that’s humbling… I can plant a seed… I can water the soil… but I can’t make it grow…
ONLY GOD can make things grow.